


Capernoited

by Lywinis



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M, Snark Reactor, established Tony/Phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-16
Updated: 2013-05-16
Packaged: 2017-12-12 01:07:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/805378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lywinis/pseuds/Lywinis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Capernoited (n.): slightly intoxicated or tipsy; grouchy, nagging.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Capernoited

It’s been some time since Phil allowed himself a moment to relax. He’d settled on the couch in the tower – not that he was welcome any time, but because Stark could try and keep him out but never seemed to get past the negotiation stage. That always ended well for one Tony Stark.

But, he settled himself on the couch in the tower, the others all abed or gone, and he put on something mindless while he sorted through his files. He was knee deep in the Maggia investigation when he felt hands on his shoulders.

“Heee—eey, Agent.”

To his credit, the only response he gave was a raised eyebrow. Tony Stark was, in fact, plastered. His tee was wrinkled, and it looked as though he’d thrown it on as he woke up, intent on causing mischief. It rode up his sides, exposing taut, lean muscle. Phil felt the sliver of irritation start low, the reaction in his groin ignored as he flipped through his files.

He was attracted to Stark, but only because his body liked to irk him at the worst times. They were incompatible; Phil was slow, steady, solid – Stark was heat and light and quick energy. The only time Phil had ever seen Stark stop talking was when he had a dick in his mouth, and even then, it was a close thing. Phil spent days in quiet solitude, and it was always good to get away.

Stark must have sensed the inner smirking monologue, because he leaned over the couch, bourbon breath and all. “Whatcha workin’ on there, Lazarus?”

His tone was wheedling, and Phil grit his teeth. A hand strayed near his shoulder, creeping over the back of the couch.

“You’ve been drinking,” Phil said, his tone mild as he licked his thumb to turn a page.

“You  _haven’t_  been drinking, as per usual.” The reply was punctuated by fingers caressing his neck.

“The last time someone touched me, they ended up pinned to my wall.”

“Nooo—oo, the last time someone touched your  _files_ ,” Stark corrected. The pad of his thumb ghosted over Phil’s ear, and Phil’s jaw twitched.

“I have work to do.”

“If you did, if you  _really_  did, you’d be in your office, not my crashpad,” Stark said.

“Keep touching, and see what happens.”

“Challenge accepted, Grimace.”

Phil was prepared for the hands. He was not prepared for Stark to leap the back of the couch, vaulting over and almost faceplanting when his toes caught the back. He stumbled, corrected himself and dropped to his knees in front of Phil, his eyes glinting. His hands went for Phil’s zipper, and Phil set the file aside with deliberation, loosening the knot on his tie and sliding the silk from around his neck.

“Ooh, the tie is coming off already? Kinky.” Stark palmed him through his trousers, but Phil was already moving, his hands collecting Stark’s wrists, looping the silk around them and knotting it with ease. Stark stared at the bindings for a moment, blinking at them in a drunken stupor. Phil settled back, a serene smile on his face as he picked the Maggia file back up.

“You’re joking.” Stark looked at the knots, trying to work out how to get them undone. “I have my hands  _on your dick_  and you go back to work? Your priorities are  _fucked_ , Coulson.”

“You’re drunk, and I can’t trust you not to bite.” Phil murmured. “Hush now, I’m watching Alton Brown.”

**Author's Note:**

> I regret nothing. Snark Reactor is a guilty pleasure. (Also I hate the fan-label Iron Taser, there is no creativity there at all.)
> 
> It's acidic and mean and vicious and there's still care there, in the background. But they would never admit it. Ever.
> 
> I don't write this pairing often. In fact, I think this is my only ficlet.


End file.
